I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Randomize
