You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
