I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
