Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Randomize
