K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
