Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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