I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
