Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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