He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Randomize
