Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
