mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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