nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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