I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
I just cut my nipple shaving
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
