wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
