I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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