No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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