True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
