we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
