Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
That was before I lit my hair on fire
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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