If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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