walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
there's paper in my vomit.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
