hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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