Fine. I'll sleep in my office
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
