You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize
