That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
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