the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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