Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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