They should really pass out barf bags in church
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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