I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
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