I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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