The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
