I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
