you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
