I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
