I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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