You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
