I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
