then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
