If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
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