I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
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