Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Randomize
