Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
