Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
25 People Confess The Most Awkward Situation They’ve Ever Been In
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
These Are 21 Of The Most Delusional People Ever
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent