it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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