..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.