he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.