I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
29 Frat Parties That Got Way Too Out Of Control
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.