I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers