Hey man sorry I got all grabby
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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