the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
23 People Noticed Deal Breakers in Their Partner A Little Too Late
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
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