You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz