Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE