i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.