She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
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I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
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I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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