Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Randomize
