It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
