My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
