Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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