you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
