remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
40s are totally the cure
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
