East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
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Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
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I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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