I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
