he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
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You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
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