this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Randomize
