Do you still have your period?
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
