I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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