So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
Randomize
