Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
