Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
