I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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