There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
