she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
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