i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
He felt like a one man threesome
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Randomize
