I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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