Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
