i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
