okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
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