Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
