Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
