i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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