Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
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