if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
you would pick up someone in the library
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
You don't make any sense
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