yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
