Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Randomize
