i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
